Monday, June 29, 2015

The Best Gun Rules in the Business

The Best gun rules in the business come from  Kill Puppies for Satan a game in which I describe as you are Beevis and Butthead grown up, a total loser who worships the devil

Its a gross crazy game, unplayable to me  but an amazing design.

The gun rules from the defunct web page  with the cuss words edited out.


  • the whole point is to kill. a gun that won't kill somebody in one shot isn't worth selling to children, right? so absolutely every single time somebody pulls a trigger, somebody might die. you, me, random strangers, the downstairs neighbor, there's always a chance. make sure your pcs know it.
  • on the other hand, there's no such thing as a sure kill. i know it's a special case, but jfk's brains were on the trunk of the lincoln and they didn't declare him until four hours later. people get shot in the head and fall down and stop breathing and go on anyway to live normal happy lives. not most of the time, not much of the time, very rarely in fact, but it does happen. if your pcs want to be 100%, make them use a   of bullets.
  • nobody knows what's going on in a firefight, and accuracy in the real world is  well . take this poor diallo guy. those cops shot 41 bullets at him, he was standing in a for fuck sake doorway, and a. they only hit him with 19 or something and b. they thought he was shooting back. nothing like flying bullets to make you stupid. you don't know where you hit that guy, you just know he fell down. you don't know where the shots are coming from. don't give your pcs tactical information, tell them what they see and hear and make them   sort it out.
  • every bullet goes somewhere. roll the shot, miss, shit happens, but do you know where that bullet is now? in a stone wall? through a window and in old mrs merrihew's toaster oven? lodged against the rib of a passing dogwalker? make your pcs remember to ask what's going on on the far side of their targets.
  • bullets don't kill you by magic, they kill you by tearing big pieces out of you. they splatter blood, they blow off fingers, they unhinge jaws and elbows, they make you puke your shredded guts out your mouth and nose. there's no such thing as a clean kill. make your pcs gag.
  • dying sucks. sometimes you pass out and never wake up, sometimes you scream for an hour, sometimes you piss yourself with pain until fucking tomorrow. you shit yourself. sometimes a lateral headshot will make your brain swell up and cut off its own circulation and leave your brainstem alive, heart beating, breathing in and out, perfect for organ donation but dead dead dead. your best bet whatever happens is to get to the hospital, but who knows. make your pcs scared to  death of death. (let alone that they're going straight to hell, and demons are going to pour  lye into their eyesockets for the rest of time.)
  • different guns are good for shooting people under different conditions. a glock 19 is good for shooting people under normal, reasonable shooting people conditions like when the  jocks have been pushing you around for four nightmarish years and you can't   take it anymore, plus they're wicked reliable. a pump shotgun is good for making that noise before you shoot people in   half. a colt 9mm submachinegun is good for when you want to kill everybody in the room but you don't really want to kill the people in the next apartment, while an m16 is good for when you don't care who the fuck you kill. make your pcs use approximately the right gun for the job (but definitely don't expect them all to be gun geeks).
  • oh, and if your pcs don't want guns or want them only to use on animals not people, they're super cool (remember satan's guidelines). tell them right on from me.

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