Silliest Things You Allow in your Non Comedy Games

My list is mostly equipment and while yes a couple of items are real (spiked armor is possible as is the meteor hammer) they are still ridiculous. Monks made the list simply because there is no Asian analog in my game world


baatezu beard (aka blade helmet)

bucklers as written

spiked/bladed armor

double swords

meteor hammer

spiked chain

monk class

the alchemist as written

various magical and modern gear

the magic robot races (Warforged, Gear Forged, Iron Born)



So what are your silly things ?

So does all this silly stuff mean you prefer humor games?

The answer is of course not . Ideally I want to play something more akin to the ordinary sort of D&D with reasonably serious characters played straight. In other words blog standard secondary world gaming fantasy in the D&D mode.

Of course given the perversities of my players and the sheer volume of silly they bring to the table it only made sense for to accommodate them and allow the weirdness while still having a coherent world.

Basically this enables us both to get what we want, a coherent world and the humorous gaming my players seem to enjoy so much.

Monkey, Ninja, Pirate,Robot,Zombie?

Yes you can do this. I'd rather you didn't as even I have some standards but as long as you have seven levels its possible .Heck you even get some choices along the way

Monkey -- choose either Hadozee (glider apes) or awakened chimp

Ninja -- choose either Ninja Class or Rogue class with mods

Pirate -- either take seamanship related feats or levels in Pirate class

Robot -- Modified Half Brass Golem Template

Zombie -- Modified Necropolitan Template


This will be a highly magic resistant, sneaky, dirty fighting, sea faring, metal limbed, undead guy -- weird but playable

And in case anyone asks, I am not going to stat up Yohatobeki , the iconic Monkey, Pirate,Ninja, Robot, Zombie.. at least unless I get a lot of requests ....

Real Life Level Titles

Yes this is kind of tacky as its about female drug cartel assassins but still I was taken by the almost D&D-ish aspects of the set up.

The original article is here

but this is the relevant part

Men, they do it for fun, because they enjoy killing, it makes them feel like big sh** Screw that. Us women, we get into this for the money. Well at least that was the way it was for me. That we get into this for love, that’s bullsh**. Like I was saying: I got into this when I was twenty years old. At first I was a “cleaner,” I mopped up vomit and blood. After I was a messenger and a gopher, and from there, I moved up to a “condor”—I hunted down the enemies. Then I was a “lynx”—I abducted and tortured people, and from there I became a sicaria [assassin]. That’s the way it went down, vato. Since then, I’ve been a killer.

What struck me most aside from the violence, which is an unpleasant part of human nature is how
D&D the whole thing was. As the lady in question gained experience through violence, her skills improved and her guild, in this case, the cartel, trusted her with more difficult work. She even had a title at each stages.

L1 Cleaner
L2 Messenger
L3 Gopher
L4 Condor
L5 Lynx
L6 Sicaria (Spanish for Assassin, name level basically)

Its kind of sobering to think how when we play more unscrupulous characters how close we are to playing these kids of people. Now mind , I am not making a moral objection, here I am not TSR circa 1989 or anything. And to be frank, being bad has its attractions just as much as being good at least as long as its fiction anyway.

Humor: 6 Things you'll probably never hear in my game circle , thank goodness

#1 Umm, so your party is a Warforged Factotum with really high stats who thinks he has no emotions, A Long Claw Shifter Barbarian with Admantium Bones ,a now good Drow Ranger with two scimitars, A Xeph Bard with a cracked sense of humor who eats cats, A Human Wizard with hourglass eyes and a Lizard thing Paladin -- IEEEE!

#2 No, I will not play in your Drow Matriarchy game making extensive use of the Book of Erotic Fantasy and the Book of Vile Darkness

#3 Especially if its a LARP!

#4 Unless the Lady DM and all the female players are at least 7's anyway ...

#5 No Dude, your character cannot have a chain mail bikini

#6 Yes I know I borrowed some elements from the Gor Novels, and yes they had them in Blackmoor you still can't have a Tarn.

Your Interdimensional Desert Island Game Choices Part 2 One System

This is a follow up to Fridays post.

same scenario as before.

This time however the same marginally benevolent aliens with inscrutable motivations (MBAWIM) allow you everything published for one system, circa I dunno 2012


My choice would be 3x. Originally I'd choose GURPS but GURPS would remind me of the real world far too often. 3x is much more escapist fare.

It also has several thousand books and PDFs. With that hundred years to waste I could try a whole lot of things I'd never have time to try. Heck I might even use as much as 1/4 of the supplements ;)

What would you choose?

Your Interdimensional Desert Island Game Choices

OK here is the Friday fun question.

Assume that the marginally benevolent aliens with inscrutable motivations have decided that you and a selection of other people will be transported to a pocket dimension for the next hundred years or so.

It pretty nice all things considered and is fully equipped and can provide pretty much everything needed. You won't age, get sick or die (unless you are really dumb) its pretty much a gilded cage

However just at the last minute you blurt out "Wait there are no role playing games here!"

These aliens have no clues what an RPG is and are low on proto-matter. However they relent and as they already had provided you with plenty of dice and miniatures , they let you make the choice of what three books there can be.

No PDF's (the aliens don't like computers) but any three books that you can think of.

What do you choose?

My choices are

Dungeons and Dangers Custom Edition, 600 pages of LL styled D&D rules and options all in one book.

The Grand Adventure Book for D&D CE, every single adventure ever published for 0,1, LL and B/X. Thats several hundred BTW.

and one more book, probably Ultimate Unsisytem, 600 pages of cool stuff with an alternate conversion to Risus in the back

Alternate "the Book of Worlds" dfor D&D CE with loads of settings --

What would yours be?

A Silly magic Item "Mercy's Sister"

A Magic Scythe I've never had time to use in game.

Mercy's Sister

This heavy black +1 weapon can be wielded as proficient by any bard . It gives off an invisible aura of mild despair that can be felt by all within 10 feet that has no game effect.
When wielded the user and his allies can also hear faint music. Carved on the side is an inscription "Hey Now, Hey Now Now Now" anyone finishing this phrase in song will active the scythes power and it will become a +3 acid scythe.

Price -- Mild Necromancy, Moderate Evocation CL12 34,500 (including Bardic Wielding)

Extra
For cruel DM fun, make your players actually RP the activation phrase. This will last till the party throws said item down the well or their books at you ;)

How to stat your friends as Adventuring Classes

Just for fun its nice to make an version of someone you know as a D&D adventurer.

I have a kind of formula I use for this .

Stats --

Just Guess and round up generously.

Class --
If they have any real life skills that map to a D&D class, give them appropriate levels. Clergy get cleric, people who have studied the occult or science (in D&D these are the same thing more or less) get wizard, people with fighting backgrounds get fighter and so on. Otherwise pick the best class for their personality. If you aren't sure people can get expert or whatever class (savant in the case of Midrea) passes for "skill guy"

Level

Start them at L1 at any age from 16-18. Add the next level (2,3,4 and so on) till their age is reached. If they have any real adventures in the background and +1, add an additional +1 if they actually pursued an adventuring career (military, LEO, Crook) and an additional +1 if they had intensive training (including real grind colleges)

Race
Well unless they are Otherkin or very strange to the degree people think they are an alien, whatever or give off an archetypal vibe , Human.

Feats and Skills
Just guess based on things they know how to do.

And thats how to turn your friends into D&D adventurers and possibly ruin a friendship for life.

You might be a gamer if...

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy..

I found this jewel while randomly roaming the web .. Kind of outdated but still funny.

A few samples

# You don’t think of a Russian bazooka when someone says “RPG”.You can figure the odds (in your head) of getting a certain result when rolling variable sized dice pools.
# You know that all dice are not square shaped.
# You own a 30 or a 100 sided die.
# losing your dice bag would be a serious financial blow.
You knew what I meant when I said TS:SI.
you’ve ever tried to explain gaming to a school counselor, parent, or other PW/OC (Person With/Out Clue).
# you’ve suceeded.
you’ve mistaken a d12 or a double d10 for a d20 while playing AD&D and had a THAC0 low enough to hit the 8HD monster, anyway…
you carry AD&D insurance.
your AC is so low that even you can’t hit yourself.